Real People, Real Answers
“When I first heard of QA as a job description, I seriously thought it was an abbreviation for Question & Answer. I was wondering, ‘What kind of job is that?’”Cory, QA Analyst
Diffusing energy on the spot
M.B. – Q: How do you release energy in the moment?
Emma – A: This is an incredibly thoughtful question!
Take a breath, relax the muscles in your face and body.
With our past experiences, we handled stress differently as children, self-soothing, turning to someone we know loves us, or simply crying. After a while of finding ourselves in situations where we were unable to soothe ourselves, find supportive people, or that we reached a point of not wanting to be seen crying, we would lose touch with our ability to be in tune with what we feel at the truth of our experiences.
To get back in tune, we learn to listen. Listen to our hearts. Listen to our feelings. Listen to the rumble of storms in our minds. And do not be like a coil ready to spring into reaction. Simply listen to be aware and give the truth of what you experience a hug. Acknowledge.
Whatever you’ve been through before, acknowledge and let the old held-back feelings come through even if you cry (when you have time for yourself). Let yourself do it. From your new point of understanding, do your best to no longer deny yourself comfort, support, or emotional release.
Privilege as a prerequisite for success
Anonymous – Q: What happens when breaking the rules is perceived as “angry” or “defensive”? The energy that some groups have to expend to even get in the room is such that once they get in – they aren’t going to break any rules. They will keep their heads down and do their jobs because they have families to feed and a lot riding on them.
Emma – A: Go ahead and break those rules yourself (in strategic ways) if you want to be an agent of change. Eventually, you’ll get into a room where you’re applauded.
It is harder as a minority, with tremendous odds to surmount, and no backing from anyone… it really pushes a person to take big risks. I can’t speak for “most people” but I put my neck on the line several times over to be where I am now. No matter how fabulous the mentors I’ve had in my life have been, I’ve realized that the capital needed to fund the means to start up a business is a catch-22. Even the capital needed to fund my education, which is more than a college degree, it is also years of mentorship, coaching, traveling, being in certain environments, and developing a higher level of self-esteem and self-support. I had nothing. No family, no home, was homeless at the ages of 9 and 14. Dropped out and worked my first fourteen hour day at the age of 15 for about $2 per hour under the table. What ground could’ve taken me 4 years to cover took me 10 because of the work I had to put into funding myself. It took me 15 years of work, professional and personal, to be in a place where I realistically can begin to build a business of my own or even begin to buck the rules and succeed at doing things my way. Privilege does fast track an individual’s ability to merge their life’s calling with what they do for a living and allows getting away with certain behaviors more easily… with significantly less risk.
Empowerment is not the same thing as enablement
Kendall – Q: Since I’m teaching meditation to mothers battling PPD – it’s awkward for me to go from meeting them at their pain point to inviting them to purchase my course. Maybe it’s too early to start selling? This is where i typically hit a dip and get stuck. I invite you to tell me how I could respond better . Thank you.
Emalani: This is how you get led into giving things away for free. Your time, which should be your paid consultation time. People test your boundaries, see whether you’ll bite. With such a tricky situation as PPD, when people are not in a healthy frame of mind to begin with… you need to be harder on boundaries (tough love) and convey the message that if they want help they can get it but only if they go for it. If they can see the value in initiative they’ll see the value in being able to help their selves rather than seeking enablement. Empowerment is not the same thing as enablement. One helps you go the distance, the other helps you hobble a few steps.
Have you read Warrior Goddess Training: Become the Woman You Are Meant to Be by Heather Ash Amara? Could be a fantastic resource to really help you balance the sensitivity and toughness you need.
K: I love to read so thank you for that book suggestion.i need help with boundaries for sure as I’m always suckered into giving stuff away free ..i think I understand you. Basically once I get to the pain point I need to state what I have to offer and present call to action?
E: You asked (the client) 6 questions. From the beginning when the person first stated where they found you from, they did not assert what it was that prompted them to reach out to you. None of the questions you asked got this person to come out with what it is that they need… going forward, when someone says they found you from a certain source, it might work out better to ask what about that source inspired them to reach out. Engage differently, set the tone from the get go, ask if they’d like a 15 minute discovery call (to discuss how what you have to offer can benefit them).
That awkwardness you mentioned (“it’s awkward for me to go from meeting them at their pain point to inviting them to purchase my course”) is what you really need to tackle.
If you learn how to leverage more of your intuition rather than overly relying on your left-brain analytical skills to figure things out, you can automate your ability to read, engage, and disengage people. People are not logic puzzles, they are energy fields in human form. Take what you learn from every teacher and mentor, your experiences, and feel for what the Universe wanted you to understand so that you can be more of who you truly are. Use both your head and your heart. Talk and listen with energy, not just words. That’s what presence is.
Shakeem – Branding photo feedback
Body language is key. Turning away indicates aloofness, inaccessibility, and subconsciously signals a lack of trustworthiness. Plus, the image is stretched. Full frontal is better. Head tilting, leaning in, is body language that expresses interest. Overall body language in the second picture signals approachability, openness, and genuine interest.
Arm crossing body language is widely misunderstood. For introverts, it commonly signals that you’re making yourself comfortable in your environment, deploying self soothing, stabilizing, and de-stressing methods.
Don’t Silence Your Story
As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself…The critical issue is allowing yourself to know what you know. That takes an enormous amount of courage.”― Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
Melanie – Q: Do you think that talking about your mental health is oversharing?
Emalani – A: Not necessarily oversharing but you just don’t need to share your stories with anybody who won’t honor them or hold space for you.
M.L. – Q: Besides seeing a psychiatrist, what other advice would you give a person going through depression?
Emalani – A: Depression often implies a neurochemical imbalance. A psychiatrist, a general practitioner, a nutritionist, a coach, and an acupuncturist can all help.
People have to make up their own minds to help themselves. Getting your neurochemicals into regularity takes a lot of different kinds of efforts. I know it’s tough but worth it because I have a neuromuscular disorder that gets really triggered by neurochemical problems. I use everything that I’ve studied from psychology, neuroscience, shamanism, mysticism, nutrition, and holistic therapies to thrive.
Chelsea – Q: I hate this topic but- do (you) suggest getting an LLC? I’m so confused by all these business entity options idk what route to go!
My accountant advised to operate under a DBA unless you have $20k+ in profits guaranteed per year, then you can incorporate. Just be aware, use a P.O. box for your business address otherwise it’s public information and everyone knows where you live. Also, you’ll pay an LLC fee every year, can be $800 depending on which state
C: (Low ticket offer was underselling v.s. premium business offer) …My issue though is that now that tax season has passed I’m hearing so many rebuttals because everyone is “so broke”.
E: A low ticket offering shouldn’t be something you offer your real time and energy for, think of billable hours. They add up. You don’t want to do that for a lowball product… Renee Long has a point. What you’re doing is attempting to pull yourself down to lower levels where people are at, not aligning with people at a level you vibe with. If you’d like to learn more about this, you can message me 🙂
If you want to give out a low ticket offer, i.e. public television a la Oprah Winfrey, a best-selling novel, audiobook, movie on a DVD, streaming service, music, etc. it has to have exponential reach and should be purchasable and accessible however many darn times anybody wants. The public television network worked because of advertisers who wanted to cash in on the eyeballs. To understand how this works, I recommend you read Bold: How to Go Big, Create Wealth and Impact the World
Challenging & testing old understanding with new
Anonymous – Q: I HAVE BEEN SOO CONFUSED AND OVERWHELMED!!! …Everything I’ve been learning is not only simple, but the total opposite to what I know, and have learned already. IS THIS WHY I HAVEN’T HAD THAT GREAT BIG PAYOUT YET???
Emalani – A: A lot of people are given popular opinion and what the hive mindset tells us we need to do to succeed. We’re all taught to hustle harder, longer, and in more complicated ways. These aren’t necessarily the best ways. It can seem counter to what we’ve been conditioned to think of in terms of success, which is where the difficulty truly is. Getting over ourselves, our own mindsets, our own conditioning, not doing the wall-to-head-hitting that everyone else may be doing.
Just by sticking one foot out to take one step, we eliminate the vast majority of the competition. Everyone can come up with ways they feel success can’t happen, why they shouldn’t take that first step, why things shouldn’t be so simple, and be utterly dumbfounded by how challenging “simple” can be. “Simple” is much more daunting than “complex.” It means you are able to basically quantum leap over 1,000 steps and years of doing things the hard way. It means mastering your mindset, the little things you think and do each day. It means changing what you know to be true and becoming more aware of what can hold as truthful and what can be punctured with enough holes to eventually bring the whole roof down.