The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships by Patrick J. Carnes – Have you ever heard the song lyrics “this world is only gonna break your heart” (Chris Isaak, Wicked Games)? The world breaks our hearts by breaking our trust in so many ways from the time we’re born into it. From childhood, we all learn to stop implicitly trusting anyone and everything with our emotions, vulnerability, and the gift of ourselves. More unfortunately, we psychically, emotionally, subconsciously begin to lose trust in ourselves the more we find ourselves in situations we have no control over or losses we did not see coming. Children naturally blame ourselves. Most cruelly, some people learn to inflict damage on others by leveraging this force of pain to inflict so that they can gain some semblance of control, better to be the force of pain than the victim. This is an act of self-victimization, violation, and loss of inherent goodness for the person who had lost their way, the perpetrator and perpetuator of pain, and creates more victims in the world as well. Some of these people turn into even more perpetrators and perpetuators. Some bravely take a stand so that it stops with them. It’s time for us to heal. This book gives us a tremendously honest look into the trauma of betrayal, the compromise of our trust, and how we can heal.
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Revised and Updated: Surviving Through and Recovering from the Five Stages That Accompany the Loss of Love by Susan Anderson – We somatically, psychically, and emotionally process any severance of what we thought we knew or felt as a fixed part of our realities as abandonment. The psychological process of healing abandonment is the same as healing all such painful experiences, which can be anything from being a child changing schools, losing a friend, job transition, moving, breakups, a change in income, etc. No one really teaches us this or gives us the steps to emotionally support ourselves. It’s never too late to learn.